Motherhood Unfiltered

Hi everyone, this is Amaka again, and I also go by Anne. Welcome to the Amaka Inspires blog. Today I want to talk about motherhood unfiltered. So many women are afraid to get in depth about motherhood. We can worry about how other people will judge us or what they might think if we speak honestly. But there is nothing wrong with sharing what we have experienced, with the hope that our words might inspire someone else. This is my story, and I am sharing it in that spirit: not because every mother's journey looks the same, but because telling the truth can help us feel less alone.

Four Months In, and Grateful for Time to Bond

I recently had a baby, and he is four months old now. I have been on maternity leave, taking time to bond with him, enjoy those sweet baby cuddles, and simply be present in his life. That time has meant a lot to me. I know it would have been difficult to have the same space if I were trying to navigate work while also caring for a new baby. Being on leave has allowed me to slow down and be there with him in these early months.

This is my third child. I have three boys: my oldest is six, my middle child is four, and my baby is four months old. Saying it out loud still makes me reflect on how full life is right now. With the baby, I have been able to enjoy the cuddles and little moments while also being a mother to my two older boys. I am grateful that I have had time to be present, because those early days deserve care and attention, even when the rest of life keeps moving.

Motherhood is not easy, and I want to say that first and foremost. Sometimes social media makes it look as if everything is beautiful and effortless. There can be lovely moments, and I am thankful for them, but there is also tiredness, uncertainty, adjustment, and a lot of responsibility. We should be able to talk about the whole experience. Sharing the hard parts does not take away from the love. It gives us room to be honest about what it takes to care for a child and to care for ourselves, too.

A Birth Journey That Was Different

This pregnancy was totally different from my first two, even though I was having the same gender. So much about it felt different. For the first time, I experienced my water breaking. With my older two, I experienced contractions, but my water did not break in the same way. This time I got to understand what that felt like for myself. Every pregnancy and birth can bring something new, even when you have been through the journey before.

I went to the hospital around seven or eight in the morning. I want to be honest that the hospital experience did not begin the way I expected. A healthcare practitioner measured my dilation incorrectly. I was around four centimeters, but I was told I was seven. After many hours, the doctor came in and told me I was five centimeters. I remember asking, “How do you go from seven centimeters to five?” It was confusing to hear those different measurements while I was already going through labor.

My journey with this pregnancy was not all roses. The experience at the hospital affected how things felt, and the hospital was in a different location from the one where I had my older two. Being in a different place from the one I knew added to how unfamiliar this birth felt. I had expected one kind of experience, and what happened was different. I am sharing that not to take anything away from the gratitude I feel, but because motherhood is not a polished story every moment. It can hold gratitude and difficulty at the same time.

Through all of it, I kept thinking about how important it is to keep God at the center of the journey. The journey of a woman who is pregnant begins before pregnancy, continues through pregnancy and birth, and does not end when the baby is born. It is a journey of faith and support. There are many feelings and changes along the way, and I believe that remembering God through each part matters. For me, faith was an important part of the experience, especially when things did not unfold as I had imagined.

The People Who Helped Carry Me

I am so, so grateful for the support I had from the moment I went to the hospital to have my baby. My mother was there with me to help ease the journey. She is a pediatric nurse, and even though I live about an hour away from her, she took off work and came to be with me the whole time. Having her there was soothing and comforting. It made a big difference to have someone beside me who cared for me and who also had experience caring for children.

Before I was due, one of my aunts flew all the way from the Netherlands to be with my older two children. I had my aunt helping with my boys, my husband with me, and my mother supporting me at the hospital. I feel blessed to have had that strong support system. It meant that my older children were cared for while I was giving birth, and that I had people around me during a major moment in my life. I do not take any of that for granted.

When I think about it, so many mothers go into labor or go to have a baby without that kind of support. A spouse might have to drop someone off and go to work; in this country, people have bills to pay. Some women may not have a parent or an aunt who can come. Some have lost their mothers or do not have that family support to rely on. I can only imagine how difficult it is to go through contractions, pain, pregnancy, and birth without someone steady beside you.

Pregnancy is quite a journey. Some women and babies do not make it through, and that reality makes me think even more about how important support is. Support can come from a spouse, a parent, an aunt, or simply someone who is willing to show up. I am thankful that my mother was there the whole time, and thankful that my aunt could be with my older two. The experience reminded me that people helping in practical, loving ways can make a hard season feel more manageable.

Choose Love and Partnership Wisely

It makes me wonder: how do single mothers do it? I think about the strength it takes to go through pregnancy and birth while also handling all the responsibilities that come with raising children. Every mother's situation is different, and I do not want to pretend I know what another woman is carrying. I do know that support matters, and I have a lot of respect for women who keep going through difficult circumstances.

As a social worker, I hear about abuse. I hear about women being abused by a husband or a spouse, and about physical, emotional, and mental abuse. It is hard to understand how a man could undermine a woman and harm her after all that women go through to bring children into the world. Whether a woman is a girlfriend or a wife, abuse is not okay. The fact that motherhood can ask so much of a woman makes it even more painful to hear that some women are also being hurt by the person who should be treating them with care.

To single women, I want to use this moment to say: choose your spouse wisely. Please do not let love blind you. Pay attention to the person you are choosing and to how that person treats you. I am saying it again because I mean it: choose wisely. When you hear about women experiencing physical, emotional, or mental abuse, you begin to wonder how such harm can happen. I hope every woman can have a relationship rooted in respect, care, and safety.

Small Acts of Kindness Matter

If you are a friend of someone who has just given birth, try to understand what she may be dealing with. She may be facing sleepless nights, low energy, and everything else that comes with motherhood. A new mother may not have the time or strength to explain what would help. A simple act of kindness can mean a great deal and can stay in her memory. We live in a busy country, and everyone has responsibilities, but even a small gesture can help ease the process for someone who is adjusting to life with a new baby.

I am telling this to myself, too. It could be me in the future who needs to rely on a friend. I want to be there for my friends in the way I hope others can be there for mothers. The support I received has reminded me how much it matters when someone shows up. I want to carry that lesson forward, not only as a new mother receiving care, but as a friend who can offer care to someone else.

Why I Created Amaka Inspires

One reason for this blog is to inspire and empower women and mothers. I want this space to make room for real conversations, including the parts that are sometimes sugar-coated or kept quiet. I hope that when I share something from my own life, another woman can feel encouraged to speak about her experience, ask for support, or remember that she is not alone. We do not all have the same journey, but we can still listen to one another with compassion.

I also have a second page coming soon called Amaka Moms and Money, where I will provide financial services. I believe the well-being of a mother matters to her children. When a mother is mentally okay, her children can benefit from her care and presence. When she is struggling financially, spiritually, or psychologically, that struggle can affect the children as well. It can be harder to offer the guidance and positive energy they need when a mother is carrying so much herself.

Children need adults to guide and raise them. A child cannot raise himself or herself; it takes an adult to help raise a child properly. When a mother is struggling, the family can feel that strain. That is one reason I care about supporting mothers in more than one area of life. The idea behind Amaka Moms and Money is to provide financial services, while this blog offers a place for inspiration and empowerment. I hope both parts can contribute to mothers feeling supported.

It Starts at Home, and We Can Support Each Other

When I look at what is happening in the world today, I think about the young teen who was recently killed on his way to school in New York. It is heartbreaking to hear about something like that. To me, it is a reminder that what happens in the home matters. When a mother is not available, does not have the energy or time to raise her children, or is not able to be productive in the way she hopes, the outcome can affect her children. Mothers need support so they can be present and offer guidance.

I do not say this to put every responsibility on mothers or to suggest that one person can control everything that happens in the world. I believe that a child's care and guidance begin at home, and that children need adults around them who can help them grow. A mother who is struggling deserves support, not judgment. Helping mothers become more stable—mentally, financially, spiritually, psychologically, and in all areas of life—can benefit the children they are raising.

My vision is a world where mothers can support one another better, and women can support one another. I hope for mothers who are stable in every area they can be, and for communities where asking for help does not feel like failure. Pregnancy, birth, and motherhood are journeys that take faith, care, and support. If we can show up for one another in small and meaningful ways, we can make those journeys feel less lonely.

Thank you for reading this article and for spending this time with me. I hope my story encourages you to speak honestly, to be kind to a new mother, and to remember how much support can matter. Thank you for reading... See you at my next post.