Faith, Relationships, Community, Support

Before It’s Too Late: Choosing Supportive, Intentional Relationships

08/14/2026 — A gentle but honest reminder to slow down, look around, and truly care for the people God has placed in your life.

The News That Sparked This Reflection

Recently, I heard the sad news that a Nigerian actor had passed away from kidney cancer. After that, I started seeing posts from one or two fellow actors asking, “Why didn’t he tell us he was sick? Why did he keep it to himself?” And it really made me pause and think.

We often react like that when someone we know dies. A colleague at work, a church member, a neighbor. We say, “But I just saw him last month,” or “She never said anything.” We are shocked. But I want us to be honest with ourselves: if he had shared, what would you really have done?

Some people truly don’t want to “bother” others with their problems. That is real. But many times, our surprise at their silence exposes something about us too. It exposes how little we actually check in, how little we follow up, and how much we hide behind the excuse of being “busy.”

You Can’t Save Everyone — But You Can Be More Present

I’ve learned that you cannot save everyone. You also cannot force a mutual relationship on someone who doesn’t want it. Some people will shut down from all types of relationships, and that’s a different conversation. But my focus here is on the people you do call friend, family, brother, sister, colleague. The people you say you care about. The people who say they care about you too.

Working in a psychiatric hospital for over three years has changed my perspective. I’ve seen how quiet suffering can be. I’ve seen how people can look “okay” on the outside and be drowning on the inside. And I keep thinking about those who should be close — the ones who should know a little bit of what is going on — yet they are finding out about a person’s death the same way strangers do, through a post or a headline.

That tells me something: we are not checking on each other enough. Because when you intentionally follow up with someone, you may not know every detail, but you will know something. You will sense that they are not themselves. You will hear, even in passing, that they are not feeling well, or that life has been hard lately. Supportive relationships don’t happen by accident; they are built by consistent, intentional care.

“I’m Busy” — Or I Just Don’t Value This Enough?

Let’s talk about that word we love to use: “busy.” In this country, everyone is busy. The person reaching out to you is busy too. They might be texting you during their lunch break, in between meetings, while rocking a baby to sleep, or after a long shift. Yet they still find a moment to say, “How are you doing?”

The truth is, we make time for what we believe is important. We call back the people we truly value. We rearrange our schedule for what matters to us. So I personally stopped believing in “I can’t reach out because I’m too busy.” What we often mean is, “It’s not high on my list.”

💡 Gentle Challenge: If you can scroll on your phone, you can send a two-line message to ask, “How are you doing? How is your family?”

Christians, We Must Be More Intentional With Our Relationships

For those of us who call ourselves Christians, this should hit even deeper. We talk about love, community, and the body of Christ. But how intentional are we, really, with friendships, family unions, and church relationships? Are we only present for birthdays and weddings, or are we present for the quiet Tuesdays when someone is barely holding it together?

I envision a world where the same intentionality you bring to your workplace — answering emails, meeting deadlines, pleasing your boss — is the same intentionality you bring home to your spouse, your children, your siblings, your one or two close friends. Imagine what our homes and communities would look like if we scheduled heart-to-heart conversations the way we schedule meetings. If we protected time for loved ones the way we protect time for our careers.

Real support often looks like simple, consistent presence around ordinary tables.

When Silence Hides Deep Pain

This isn’t just about physical sickness. I’m reminded of the story of the man who took his own life and the life of his wife. Thankfully, he did not harm the children. But that story still breaks my heart. It tells me that people are going through a lot. Many are not getting the support they need from those they know and trust.

Not everybody wants to sit in front of a stranger and pour out their heart to a therapist. Some people are longing for a friend, a cousin, a church sister, a colleague to say, “Talk to me. I’m here. I’m not in a hurry.” Yet, for many, when they are going through something, the people they know are nowhere to be found. Phones are silent. Messages are unanswered. And then, when tragedy happens, we act shocked.

So I have to ask, and I include myself in this: When that person was alive, what did you do? If you called yourself their friend, did you reach out? Did you follow up, or did you just assume they were fine because they posted a smiling picture online?

Relationships Are a Two-Sided Street

Yes, relationships are a two-sided street. I’m not talking about the person who shuts everyone out, refuses help, and pushes people away. I’m talking about the people you claim as “my friend,” “my brother,” “my girl,” “my guy.” You can’t only complain that they didn’t open up to you if you never created a safe, consistent space for them to do so.

Maybe they didn’t say, “I’m sick,” or “I’m depressed,” but did you at least ask, “How are you really doing?” Did you notice when their tone changed, or when they went quiet for too long? Did you do your own due diligence, or were you waiting for them to carry their pain to your doorstep and spell it out for you?

📌 Key Takeaway: Don’t only blame people for not speaking up. Ask if you made it easy for them to speak to you in the first place.

Bring Back “How Are You Doing?”

Let’s talk about something very simple but powerful: how we start our messages. These days, people jump straight into “How is work?” or “Can you help me with something?” especially extended family reaching out from abroad. But the person you are texting might be struggling to even get out of bed, and you are already talking about work and favors.

No matter where you live in the world, “How are you doing?” is still a beautiful and necessary way to begin. Even if you don’t want to call, send a simple text: “Hey, how are you doing? How is your family?” You may be surprised what that small question opens up. Sometimes people just need to know someone sees them, someone remembers them, someone cares beyond what they can offer.

Search Your Heart Today

So I’m inviting you, as gently and as firmly as I can, to search your heart today. Look at your life. What kind of relationship do you really have with your loved ones? With your close friends? With your church family? Is it shallow and surface-level, or is there depth, honesty, and support there?

If it’s not strong, make it right. Don’t wait for a funeral to start posting long tributes about how much someone meant to you. Show them now. Call them now. Send that message now. Ask that question now. Be present now, before it’s too late.

People are going through a lot. You may be going through a lot too. But imagine how different our communities would be if each of us decided, from today, to care a little bit more. To be a little more intentional. To check on one more person. To bring back “How are you doing?” from the trash can and put it back in our everyday language, backed up by genuine concern.

My prayer is that God will help us build supportive, intentional relationships that reflect His heart. May we not be the ones who only show up when it’s over. May we be present in the middle, in the struggle, in the quiet seasons, loving people well while they are still here.

That is my message. Begin to care a little bit more, if you don’t already.